you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
