I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
