It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
