Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
