I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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