My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
