Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
