Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
