just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
