I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
