Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
