So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
