So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
