Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
