I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize