redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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