speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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