While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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