so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
