weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
