i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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