U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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