Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's always time for handjobs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
