She said her name was "party"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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