What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
