I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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