i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
