Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
