some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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