Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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