what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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