Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
