If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
