I think I won the penis lottery.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
