Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
