I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
