90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
