No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
