I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
