So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
