She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize