So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
