I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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