he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
