I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
