i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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