Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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