Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
