we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
