I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You are a genius and a whore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
