Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
