Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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