In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
