youre lurking in front of me
one two three fourrrrnication!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize