Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
