you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
