and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
