We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were destined to go to rehab together
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They have beer where we have blood.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
