I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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