i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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