Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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