Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
