The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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