I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
