My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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