I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
