it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
