I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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