If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
