Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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