I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize