I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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