Cold hands, warm shart.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
