fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
