Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
