dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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