im about as happy as oj after his trial
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My penis needs a shock collar
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
