They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
