why didn't you poke me back
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
