Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
