I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
