I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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