somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize