WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
