you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
