that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
