Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
