so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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