i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Randomize
