Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize