Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
