You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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