haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
