IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
