that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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