You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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