How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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