she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
