He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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