Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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