Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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