everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
