I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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