No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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