just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize